Wow! I didn't expect posting something on this blog could be so difficult, but here we are. I find difficulties to write and to update these web pages. And that's not because I've a life, a real life. On the contrary I've not. I would just find some time late in the evening, but it's not the case. Maybe it's because of winter, with its cold and its long days of darkness, maybe it's because of tiredness, but I don't feel like doing anything. Maybe it could be the relocation... What a hell! Maybe it's because of all these things together, who knows? Or, yeah, I'm simply too tired to do anything. That's not a nice mood at all. Everything appears to be wrong, spare time is just a dream to dream, and not only it. How long had I to expect for having time to go to the doctor? It doesn't matter, the point is if there no chance for cure so something doesn't work. Work. How many editor in chief do I have? Too much. During the week end my mobile has been switched off, at last. What about this fragment of freedom? Nothing special. Sleeping, having a coffee in a bar, a little walk along the Christmas stands. No thoughts. Here is what I need: a clean and empty mind. Recharge batteries and delete memory, now I know what ask to Santa Klaus. And then... Well, then I look for a new beginning.
What was I looking for on Google? Damn! I still forget things. My mind is giving up. Meaningless crying crisis, sleeplessness, memories black-out: the situation is worse than foreseen. I find myself swearing because I don't find what I've put in my pockets few minute before, I prepare coffee I never drink once the machine is off. Someone asked me why I'm not writing any more, and the answer is simply I don't feel like. I find it hard and tiring. I feel empty, and I know it doesn't make sense since few lines above I declared I want my mind empty. I feel overloaded in term of stress and thought, but totally empty in term of motivations, plans, perspectives. Nervous breakdown and a principle of depression? Is that my diagnosis? I don't want to think about. What I want is just my basin full of hot water before another week starts. Another week. Ok, another week and for twenty days everything will be over...
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